scattering about…
March 21, 2006
catesbool
this is something i found within one of my journals by accident… i did not even know that i wrote this. looking back now, i laugh at how green i could be…. heheehehe
I’m not gonna moon over my lost loves. They are gone and past. They have no room in my life anymore. If ever I think of them, it is only with the wistfulness of something beautiful that there was. I did not want to look back on them with bitterness. I only want to look back at them with some strange ache in my heart knowing that I am now separated from them and our worlds can no longer collide.
I do not moon over my lost loves. I moon over the loves that I could have given to them but they did not want. I moon over the fact that I was not enough for them. I moon over the fact that I could have kept them but they never wanted to keep me. But I am not gonna moon over them. They have no more room in my life and I can no longer make room for them in mine. For they have closed their doors on me and I have lost all heart that I could have spared them.
I moon at the thought that I once believed that I could be enough for them, only to find out that I could never be enough. I moon over every little bit of rejection and yet I know enough that I am strong enough to let go of all these rejection. I moon over the fact that I must always go through this painful process of healing in order to be reborn. I moon over the fact that every time I lose my love, I die each day a little and they do not have the heart to cry for my loss.
I am done mooning over my lost loves, my unrequited loves, my undying loves, and my passion immortals. I could have gone on loving them had they given me the chance but I was never enough. With each death I emerge from, my heart turns cold and I am reduced to a wretch. With all these love, I feel tired, bone-weary and spiritually low. I have offered and laid everything I have that I could possibly give but still I was never enough. So I am done mooning over them for I have already given everything I have got and all I had was a heart full of tiny coils stretched so tight I could barely breathe just to live.
I am done mooning for my love. I no longer have any love to give. Everything has been thrown away…
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