a farewell letter to a friend
December 14, 2006
catesbool
it’s graduation time. everybody is shedding a tear or two, or simply having these wistful feelings about the year gone so fast and spent together in this small community we have in iss. but for you, it is a different story altogether. the friend i saw yesterday morning is totally different from the friend i saw just when his partner was going to arrive. i saw an excited and happy friend - a friend that i dare not disturb in his apparent happiness. and it simply breaks my heart to see you in such a state yesterday and the other day.
i do not know if you have already broken things up with your partner. i hope not yet. and before you do, please think it over and over, not just once or twice or three times but 70 times 700. while you do, please ask and examine yourself whether you really love her. from what i had seen of you during the first moments she arrived, i know you do love her.
if you are not sure what your answer is on this question anymore (that is, you know that you love her when you started your relationship with her but is now unsure of this), please try to remember why in the first place, you came to love her. think back and ask yourself what drew you to her as a person and she to you as a person. if you can still remember the reason(s) why you love her in the first place, recall how that love made you feel happy and complete as a person. if you can still remember that (and i hope she also does with you) then it is time to focus only on that love and disregard everything else that you now see as wrong in your relationship with her. everything else should come from that love, and that should be enough for both of you - irrespective of other people.
as you have already told me, both of you have already sacrificed a lot on this relationship. and both of you have already given each other a lot - you give her everything and she has given you everything too. if you both love each other that much, then it should never be hard for the two of you to give all of your love to each other because that love is the one that will sustain both of you in all the trials that you must face in your life together. trials are meant to be faced together, not apart. this part of your life with her is simply one of the many that you two can face together. if what is happening between the two of you now is something that will cause you to break your relationship with her, then there is no way the two of you can weather a lifetime of trials which you had hoped you can face together.
which leads me to another thing that you may wish to think about now. if you really want to face with her all the trials life can throw your way, why are you giving up on her and your relationship with her? i no longer believe in the saying that if you love someone, you have to set her free. if you really love her, then try to fight for her. show her that you are the better person, that no matter what this other person in her life is trying to do, you are there for her and that you are the right person for her. you cannot know for certain whether she will choose to be with you in the end or with this other person. you cannot know that in the end, you will both be together. but if in your heart, you know that you love this woman, then tell her that and make her feel that love. even if in the end, you end up not together, at least you can say to yourself that you have loved her and have given all the fight in order to win her. if she does not reciprocate and decides in the end to let you go or choose the other person she has in her life, then it will be her loss.
i say these to you as a friend - someone who cannot bear to see you in such a state of unhappiness at a time when you should be rejoicing for having at least finished something you worked hard on. it is a time for parting for almost all of us. a time for weeping not for sorrow or regrets but for knowing that we have known other as people and seen how beautiful they are as people.
i have seen the beautiful smile of the friend in you i know way back when life in the netherlands was still less complicated. in my heart, i am praying that before we all leave, i will see the smiling and happy face of that beautiful friend once again. that whatever trial that my friend is facing right now, he will be able to face it with much courage and continue to dream that he can proceed with his journey to life with his partner - happy and content in the knowledge that he is beside the woman that he truly loves.
with all my best wishes and hopes for you, my friend…
Entry Filed under: Uncategorized
Leave a Comment
Some HTML allowed:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>
Subscribe to comments via RSS Feed
