strawberry cheesecake
March 30, 2007
catesbool
the blue waters glittered silently in the sun. cold wind seemed to touch her face and she calmly propped up her head like a little girl waiting for her first kiss.
she closed her eyes in sereness, basking in the moment of sailing along cool blue waters. the camaraderie of silent laughter wafted by and she took in a breath of it like a drunkard who has not gotten her fill.
blue strands of cloth hang down the pole and billowed forth as if in a dance. the flag proudly proclaimed the name of neeltje jans. the calmness of the waters soothed her vexed spirits and tired body. emotionally, she was spent with the battle raging within herself. already, it has come to that stage when her body was already rebelling with the punishment she has inflicted upon herself. she was already on the verge of collapse but still she kept on smiling, her serene face never revealing her inner demons.
a flock of seagulls flew by and sat by the rails. she tried to keep her thoughts focused on her musings. but the seagulls simply refused to be ignored. they kept on coming back to intrude, reminding her of what she seeks.
with a determined glitter in her eyes, she groped for the camera inside her bag. she was going to take a piece of what she cannot have. but they were too fast for her. she struggled in quiet determination to capture a single shot. after twenty attempts and a "for fuc_ing out loud!" expression coming out of her mouth, she finally had a taste of what she craved most.
now she looks at it in front of her computer. the last remnants of the song, "closing time" playing over and over in her mind.
the slender wings of the seagull sat gracefully against the blue skies of the netherlands. the date read june 03, 2006. from time to time, she has looked back on those days when the whiteness and the purity of what the seagull stood for was something she longed for. like the strawberry cheesecake that she had this afternoon, the sweetness of having slice of freedom within was but a moment of savoring mingled with the bitter aftertaste of capuccino.
she wonders, will there ever be a day when she will go back? will she be able to fly again as gracefully against that pale blue sky? or would she be like that wounded mermaid sitting with a fixed smile on her face?
"shouldn’t be so complicated… i’m so scared that i’ll never be put together… keep breaking me in… and this is how we will live… if i couldn’t see, could you see? could you paint me a better life? i started out okay but i keep on changing… i’m so scared that i’ll never be put together… keep breaking me in." - lyrics from bent, matchbox 20
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