milestones

April 26, 2007 catesbool

there is an almost perfect line of blue running across my office window.  i have missed the sunset and all is quiet.  and what a comforting quietness it is now.  it throbs inside my mind, my heart and my soul, like music to my ears which is pleasant and all-consuming.

i found a mail from pem deki today.  pem is my bhutanese friend from iss.  whenever i felt down during those distant days, i would seek out her smiling face and simply bask in her cheerful presence and listen to her buddhist chatter.  she reminded me of the laughing buddha, her face beautifully carved in mirth while her hair flows in great abandon about her shoulders.

i also got mail from veronica updating me about the pinoy iss who came after us.  typical of veronica, with her crazy talks, crazy schedules, crazy phone calls and just plain crazy sweetness over the email system.  veronica never fails to pull me back to that time when i was trying to be sober in the netherlands, with her need for heart to heart talks and her soul-searching love stories.

yesterday, i got a really sweet message from bunsoy.  It spoke of a long lost time when i found a little girl, cooked champorado for her, went to centrum with her and kuya and started a wonderful summer of journey full of sunrays and saturdays.  as i scrolled down the message, i snuffed out a little wetness from the corner of my eye and gave a very broad smile.  at least, i know i was able to touch a life and danced with her a rhythm which was in tune with the universe.

last night, i had a reunion with some former officemates at greenwich pizza inside the walled city.  it was a light meeting of minds among friends who once shared a common thread of life at the office.  i got a butterfly to remember that time last night and to remind me that at some point in our lives, we must part with the people who once were part of ours.

everything in the universe has rhythm; everything dances - maya angelou once wrote.  the rhythm of my life will always be filled with reflections.  there is a big question mark hanging over me but i am drawing my strength bit by bit from a life which is now stronger than my own.

last year was a year of gaining and losing friends, finding and letting go of la dolce vita, and facing my fears and my ghosts.  i feel them and they smile encouragingly at me.

the beating of the drum echoes silently within the walls of my mind and i am mindful of the fact that i was called back…

"turn away from the crowd and its fruitless pursuit of of fame and gold… tenderly treat the lives of those whom you touch as if they would end at midnight… for you earthly life, at best, is only the blink of an eye between two eternities…"  - the gift of acabar by og mandino.

i came upon a bridge and felt that i must cross.  just as i was about to take my first step, i glanced my way to the other side and with my heart in hand, i faltered… what i see makes me stop and freezes me on the spot.  and a question from some far away time reminded me of richard bach.  that bridge was placed there to close a gap.  miles upon miles, they stretch… or maybe, it is just me who feels like jonathan.  maybe, the bridge will always be my zahir…

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