Dilemma

June 5, 2008 catesbool

I should be relieved, overjoyed, excited, ecstatic, high.

Hah!  Don’t I wish. :(

Just got word today.  I can enroll as an irregular Senior at San Beda College.  Wasn’t this what I have been waiting for in the past six (or maybe seven) years of my life? 

I want to cry.

I’m not ready.

I’m unsure.

I’m uncertain.

I’m no longer confident.

I no longer see myself driven by a desire to beat the grades of Orly in the Bar Exams.

Hah! It would take a miracle if I even get to pass my fourth year subjects this coming school year.  I’m going overload.

I want to scream…

I want to run away…

I AM SO SCARED.

I’m so scared that I’ll never be put back together, keep breaking me in… (Matchbox 20, _______)

I barely have a week to mentally prepare myself for the reality of being a Senior.

How do I balance academic overload with work overload?

I’m trying not to slap myself to see if I am living out a nightmare.

Breathe…

Breathe…

Breathe…

Pray.

Meditate…

labora, deveneror, cognitio

May God have mercy on me and grant me sanity…

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