Life Blurs
September 3, 2008
catesbool
There’s so much of the world out there. And life is happening everywhere. Sometimes, it just becomes too difficult to see it and I can only manage to get a glimpse of bits and pieces of it.
Living in a whirlwind of activities has sucked me into endless schedules and countless interviews with people the past few weeks. I have yet to see the bottom of my bucket with these interviews. With every success I earn in selecting people, two more new needs crop up and now I have to deal with 18 empty seats waiting to be filled up. If this is a dance, I am seeing all of them dancing without a partner and they are waiting for me to usher in new faces when the guests are trickling down in small sputters.
Meanwhile, as I take a few moments to do a quick glance around, I see friends who are surveying their life for the past seven years with friends and colleagues, saying goodbye to souls lost in the battle for living, getting married, transferring jobs and coming back after living for some time overseas.
My daughter is out there, enjoying her day at school while my husband gives me a call to remind me to get enough sleep so I don’t collapse and the mountains in front of me are still as a hush. I look up at them like I was asking whether or not they will permit me to climb over so I can say "this, too, will pass". But they give me no answers. The trees wave at me, one with the wind. I am braving the solitude of my own thoughts again.
Melissa gave ma a look two nights ago that says when am I going to realize that I need to slow down? At the end of the day, there is no room for me to slow down yet. Not with those 18 empty seats. I make small progress and things take time.
Meanwhile, I gain more fat and my belly is becoming more rounded from all the sitting around and eating too much comfort food. This morning, I stood ground and ate only cereals and yoghurt. Irish scolds me online and I laugh. Good God, laughter is all I have right now to get me through this.
Probably not. A memory of the feel of my daughter’s skin as she wiggles her feet to me as she lays asleep. Some phone calls of concern from my husband. Some friends who remind me I am becoming more stupid everyday and I need to get back on track. And this prayer:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
I am smelling the breeze…
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